so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
