I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
