So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
