I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
