dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
