Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
