I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
