It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
