im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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