I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
