I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
