I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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