I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
