I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She announced her abortion via fbk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
