please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
