I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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