Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize