ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
