how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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