Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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