A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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