I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
