Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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