New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
