btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
