awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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