so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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