I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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