I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
