Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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