I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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