I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
