And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
