Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just had sex bonerless
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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