I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
