I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
