Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
