We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i now understand why vodka
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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