Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
