she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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