no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
