And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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