He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
