Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he thought i was a dude.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
