i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
