I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
