after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
