Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
