can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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