to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
