I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
