if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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