The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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