Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
