You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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