oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
