Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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