I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
