i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
