butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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