So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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