you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize