Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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